Are you depressed about being single
What to do when you're single and sad and want a partner.
A young woman recently told me about her unfulfilled desire for a partner.
The single life often makes them sad and lonely.
I realized that I had never written explicitly about this topic, and so I initially spoke about it spontaneously and live on Instagram.
Thousands of followers saw this story (which unfortunately expired 24 hours later), and other thousands asked me to watch it again.
What makes even more sense: The content in black and white so that you - if you should need it spontaneously at 3 am - can click on Love Message at any time and read something that really helps you in such a situation.
None of you should be sad at 3 a.m. because the side of the bed next to her is empty.
And just as little at 4 on a Sunday afternoon, sitting alone on the couch.
And certainly not on vacation, when only smooching couples are lying by the pool.
I can well understand the desire for a partner, because it is like this:
He kisses you wake up in the morning (or brings coffee to bed - you can probably choose that), showering you with compliments (whenever you find yourself a bit ugly, and otherwise every day), brings flowers (but not carnations or Petrol station roses, just white lilies or hydrangeas in pale green, and without ever being mentioned, but spontaneously), the dishwasher puts away (and repairs it if it breaks), takes you to the Maldives and gives you a gift multiple orgasms all night long.
If all of the above doesn't work, you would just take a vacation in the Allgäu and occasionally cuddle on the sofa, MAINLY NOT ALONE.
Everything, EVERYTHING is more fun with a partner, right?
Then how should you please not wish for one ?!
Especially when you haven't had a boyfriend for a long time and the rest of the world is in a happy partnership?
Today I'll tell you how to do it and how to really celebrate your single life.
(Spoiler: I don't mean one night stands and unrelated dramas by that.)
Every child knows:
The image of a happy, fulfilled life ALWAYS includes a partnership.
Adam and Eve, Maria and Josef, Susi and Strolchi, Meghan and Harry - that's right.
Alone, on the other hand, is not REALLY correct and, if necessary, acceptable as a transition period.
Before you smile at it: it is infinitely deep!
The time without a partner is always just the time "in between", the time until "You find someone again.", The time in which "my neighbor met a great guy online, maybe that would be something for you too?" will, the time when you look out for new candidates.
The time of being single is like a transition or a place in the waiting room.
Like an uncomfortable chair on which you wait until you are finally called and your turn - if necessary, you can pass the time until then with gala readings and Instagram.
And that's a lie.
- In order to fully develop your personality, you have to find out how you really are, what you like, how you want to live and what is important to you.
A partnership, however, is such a close connection that the boundaries are blurred, because everyone always consciously and unconsciously orientates themselves towards the other (and it has to be that way, because otherwise we would not be able to stand together for 5 days).
You can only find out who you really are when you are alone: by the way, that is the most important, most exciting and most beautiful task that you have in life.
How do you want to shape your life? Without any outside influence, as pleasant as it may be.
What do you love in particular?
What time of the day is your most productive?
What clothes do YOU like when no one you care about expresses a preference?
What food could you cook 5 days in a row without it becoming too much?
What do you feel like doing most on a Saturday afternoon?
The quickest and most accurate way to find out all of these things is when you are alone - and then you can:
Look, you can create the world's most beautiful life!
You can only buy what you feel like buying - and if it is the most expensive cheese and you therefore eat potato soup for 4 days in a row, then that's the way it is.
You can turn up the music you want in the morning.
You can put on the bed linen you want, and if it includes a color gradation of different shades of pink, then exactly these your favorite colors are just waiting for YOU every evening.
And - be careful! - you wake up in light to dark pink.
You buy exactly the flowers you like, and then a birthday present for yourself (fuck the surprise effect, which can always backfire), and then exactly the cake that YOU like best.
You can define everything and experience it exactly as YOU like it best, and how it best suits YOU and that's freakin ‘madness!
Do you understand:
It's E S S E N T I E L L that you find out.
Discovering that makes you sooo happy!
The knowledge that YOU have decided, and that YOU are responsible for every little detail in your life, makes you free, self-confident and strong.
Imagine: YOU are even to blame for the bathroom drawer to be pure chaos, so only YOU can tidy it up again, without any pressure, underlying guilty conscience or any remarks from outside.
You are never dependent on someone else's mood, their circumstances, their daily mood or their reaction to your outfit / your actions / your existence.
You can and should just:
ENJOY AND CELEBRATE.
All day, all night, Monday to Sunday, early in the morning with the best coffee that you've made just for yourself, in the evening with fast food that you don't have to justify yourself for, singing out loud to your favorite song (the one for 30. Time runs, and it's annoying: NONE.), Lying across your bed with 17 pillows and the series you've always wanted to watch (although it's just oozing with kitsch, and NO ONE wants to watch anything else).
You can stroll around town with your best friend (male!) All day, and then again, and then again, and don't owe anyone an explanation or justification for it.
You can easily DO WHAT YOU WANT and LIVE AS YOU WANT, and have all the time in the world to find out exactly what that looks like.
No drama because of someone else, no stress because he imagined the evening differently, no unexpectedly uncomfortable situation when you come home because someone else had a bad day: only beauty, only happiness, only YOU.
You can make your life as beautiful and fulfilling as ONLY YOU WANT TO HAVE IT, and is it the most exciting thing there is or what?
Never underestimate the beauty of this time!
The younger you are, the more important it is to spend time alone, so I can only advise every young girl to stay single as long as possible: every year in which you develop your personality without a partner is pure gold for you!
How terrible it would be if you were given such wonderful and precious time for yourself, and you completely waste it by simply wanting a partner in the meantime.
What a waste!
The voyage of discovery described above involves much more than just choosing your favorite bed linen (although it doesn't matter. You don't care about anything.):
The most important thing is the way you deal with challenges, difficult situations and not-so-nice days.
If you decide that your life is always up front, that nothing bad can happen to you, no matter what it looks like, you trust love, and you look positively and hopefully into the future, even if all circumstances show the opposite, then This view will be stamped deeper and deeper in your heart every day, and you will be much more resistant and relaxed in the face of catastrophic moods of others.
If you decide every day that you are love in person, and because of this you can patiently and kindly meet even strenuous people, no matter what, then at some point this will be a matter of course for you: you will automatically become much more patient, respectful and indulgent.
If you determine that your own person and your time on this planet is too good for grief, pressure, guilty conscience, worry and self-criticism, you will emphatically reject these thoughts and feelings until they no longer even affect yours Trust closeness.
You will treat your person, your time and your life with a lot of respect, esteem and love - and thus you set a STANDARD for yourself.
This is your level, below that you won't even get out of bed.
And guess what, when you meet someone?
No matter how in love you are, and how much your perception is clouded because of it (because: Hormones! Feelings! What's Apps! Dopamine! Dates! Whooohooo!), And how sexy his six-pack looks:
As soon as something funny, disparaging, making you down, weird, complicated, encroaching, making you insecure comes from his side, all alarm bells will ring for you.
Your standard is therefore your absolute protection against assholes, narcissists, dazzlers and impostors, because you will feel unspeakably uncomfortable with certain statements, moods and situations that cannot be further defined.
You can easily distinguish weird vibes more quickly - you had enough time to consolidate your personality and very soon notice:
No, that doesn't fit. I don't want anyone to treat me like that.
By the way, my personal standard is so high and my everyday life so beautiful that someone would have to top it first so that I can think about a relationship (and I'm extremely capable of relationships!).
How Iliza says:
"I'm a ten. And you're a four with money."
I am not impressed by any money in the world, no status, no six-pack, no compliments, no success (although I think it's all beautiful) - I want personality.
Because I am a personality as well.
I don't want to be my partner's mom, his therapist, his provider or his entertainer.
I want someone on an equal footing.
I just don't have time for anything else, because I have lots of beautiful things to experience.
„But Joanna, if you wait that long, you may never get a partner.“
As if that was my goal!
I do not wait and I do not search - I enjoy the time of being single very much and do not degrade it to a "transition".
Then when a partner comes: nice.
If not: nice too.
I don't miss anything, not even sex - because it's only really great when the relationship is wonderful.
Better not have sex at all than just semi.
Better to have no stress at all than with a partner.
Better a self-determined, fulfilled life than one with longing, wishful thinking and daydreaming about what could / should have been / could have been, if not ...
Better to blossom as a personality than treat a partner so that you are not alone.
In the 2nd part of the single series, I tell you how to deal with acute feelings of loneliness and tell you about the evergreens of hell, which are always reliable for everyone.
AFTER THAT, BUT NEVER WITH YOU.
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