Has merged CNN with Fox News
Again, only the irritable bowel remains. After the TV trip to the United States, to the Breaking News on CNN and Fox News, you just sit in front of your home daily News back to middle-aged men and women rubbing their stomachs while a schoolchild giggles: "Dad was always puffing!" At the best and most expensive airtime, public television advertises a remedy for flatulence. Advertising always tells something about the people who watch it. The advertising industry is concerned about who is currently in front of the TV and what they can bring to whom. In the end, that's how they earn their money. The Germans have an open ear for their intestines.
While the digestive tracts are blocked in Germany, the rain gutters in America overflow with leaves. Anyone who has watched CNN or Foxnews in the last few days saw a world of traveling leaf vacuums, gutter leaf protection filters, but also earwax suction devices in the commercial breaks. It was a world full of things that you didn't know about, that you never wanted and that you didn't need. And everything had that 90s aesthetic.
During a commercial break there, a young woman struggles with a suction cup at the sink until an older woman steps in front of the camera and throws a thin, short chopstick into the sink. She also throws it into a sink filled with dirty water, into the bathtub, into a drain grate and finally into a plastic pipe dummy, in which this "Sanistick" remains uneventfully. The viewer does not find out what exactly this magic wand is doing in the depths of all the installations. It remains a magical promise.
On Fox News, a commercial begins with a 30-second - and 30 seconds is an expensive eternity in the advertising world - hate tirade over coffee: pale, sick-looking people look into their mugs filled with brown broth or hold smeared Starbucks mugs in their hands, too one moderator tells in a finally awake voice how much money we spend on coffee every month. For coffee that is unhealthy, that makes us dependent and tired. You want to join an anti-coffee party in the US, because you find out what it's about: Stop drinking coffee and take two of our vegetable tablets every day instead! We do not find out what vegetables have to do with caffeine.
Every third spot is a dietary supplement. Germans have their flatulence, in which the epicenter is the intestine. With dietary supplements, nobody really knows what the problem is anymore. Is there even one? But after all, there is a shortage lurking everywhere. A healthy body can also become healthier.
Of course there are real diseases in the US. American pharmaceutical companies spend more than six billion dollars each year on drug advertising. Besides New Zealand, the USA is the only country in the world where direct mail is also allowed for prescription drugs. Like in a TV commercial for heart pills that promise, with an almost Trumpian concept of truth, to provide 25 percent better protection against heart attacks. They're basically the best heart pills America has ever had, they do a great job! However, this self-confidence is linked to the mandatory warning of side effects, which is strictly regulated in America: Possible diseases, undesirable effects and damage must be listed here. A good-humored speaker tells us that cardiac arrhythmias or temporary blindness as well as muscle pain or shortness of breath can occur. Then you should see the doctor!
While Germany's creative agencies are still puzzling over meaningful dialogues ("If you could live your life again, would you do it all over again?"), Debbie says on American television that she has tried financial insurance and can now recommend it. Roger from Florida says he would use that again. And Cheryl and Larry from Jacksonville are excited and say: We are excited. A MyPillow Towel man congratulates himself on his groundbreaking invention: "Towels that work. What a concept!"
In their advertisements, Germans love to come home, into the warm, out of the rain and into the dry
And then there are products that even the native speaker will no longer understand what exactly is at stake. Actor Tom Selleck, who almost played Indiana Jones but then became a spokesman for the National Rifle Association, explains with a dignified mustache: "Look, I wouldn't be here if I believed a mortgage with annuity ever would have taken advantage of a senior citizen. "He is promoting a special loan model in which people aged 62 and over receive monthly money that they pay off with the net worth of their house after their death. The mortgage as a pension is probably meant.
In their advertisements, Germans love to come home, into the warm, out of the rain and into the dry. "At home" is the place with an oven in which a salami pizza steams. In America the market is oversaturated. Promoting frozen pizzas would be like asking a Briton if they've heard of the Beatles.
Perhaps, after the US election, one now feels a silent longing for CNN numbers man John King instead of Thorsten Schröder. But it can also be that you no longer want to live without a leaf blower. Then maybe you should hurry up before all the leaves are gone. And in the end you don't need any of that anymore.
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