Why do INTJs seem rude
How to deal with a new, inexperienced and hostile colleague
He has a different pattern of communication than you do, and the difference gets under your skin.
He is constantly criticizing my knowledge in various areas
So he's a know-it-all. I believe you can generally ignore this, or at least stop taking it personally. There are many resources available for dealing with people who are constantly criticizing and you are unlikely to be that person's sole target. Here are some suggestions:
- Repeat and objectify your comments. Remove subjectivity, remove personal attacks, and just repeat what they said. This should make it clear to them and the observers that you are 1) listening and 2) not interested in how they conveyed the message, only in the information they are trying to convey.
- Try to understand why it bothers you internally. If you can't take it as honest advice or feedback and haven't asked for the suggestion, at least try to find out what annoys you about the feedback.
- Break up and ignore it. "That's not interesting for me", then on to another topic or "Have a nice day!" and return to your work.
- Show them kindness. They may just be trying to get involved as much as they can. Turn such conversations into topics and paths that you are interested in or find useful. Find common ground and take this path every time you attempt an unproductive path.
- Avoid them. It looks like you are already doing this to some extent. Just increase it until you limit your contact to what is necessary to complete your assignment. Explain to them and your boss why you are avoiding them, this is a distraction and limiting contact seems like the best way to fix the difference in communication styles.
He explained what he was working on and started explaining some of the most basic parts of my subject. Constantly asked if I understood what he was talking about.
I told him that I knew well what he was teaching me about, but he went on to explain as if I had no prior knowledge of the subject.
Most of what I said above applies here as well. Also, you may find that he only senses your knowledge and skills and that after a few weeks he will stop doing it. You can speed up this process by breaking off such conversations. Try to understand what you need from him and interrupt him: "Sorry for the interruption, but I understand what you're talking about. What I need to know is [specific, directed question that requires a minimal answer] ...?" "
He may be explaining things based on his communication patterns until asked to stop. As such, he may need your help understanding when you are ready to move from the presentation part of his communication to the question and answer part.
Maybe he just needs more feedback.
I'm afraid he's trying to stab me back with the boss, he's tried before
Without specific details, it is difficult to evaluate and recommend any particular course of action.
Sit down with your boss and discuss all of these topics. Phrase it "me, me" and ask for advice on how to change yourself to better communicate with that person instead of using "you, them" and expect the boss to magically change them .
You may not have any advice, but at least you will get a better understanding of what is going on without having to guess, and it should short out most of the attempts that others might use to undermine you.
If they have advice, take it. Show good faith that this working relationship is successful and keep in touch with the boss on a regular basis so that he knows how things are going. Chances are the new person may have a lot more contact with the boss than you. So increase your contact and if something comes up it can be done in a timely manner instead of waiting for things to fester.
It can be a personality type characteristic. Some guys like INTP solve problems by saying them out loud. They may not have an answer yet, but by the time they do, you will get to pretty solid logic. For other personality types, this can be annoying. The INTP thought process can act like a lecture in the fundamentals. Combine that with the sheer uncertainty of being the newbie and you might see that in this colleague.
If your colleague is constantly under the impression that they are verbalizing a half-resolved problem, you might want to suggest that they reconsider it and come back when they have a (fully formulated) solution. This will free them from your nerves and give them a well-deserved boost in confidence when they come back with a workable answer.
There are two points you can work on to protect yourself:
- Visibility: Make sure your boss knows what you've been doing on the job. What you have produced, how often you spend helping him or other people; see Why is it important to gain "visibility" in the workplace? .
- Communication traceability: Avoid verbal communication; Say something like, "I don't have time right now. Email me and I'll answer you." This will allow you to keep track of every communication, especially any unprofessional (although he may not be writing what he usually says).
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