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Men with AS often have some of the following traits, but they will vary in both number and level of severity from person to person: 1.
A special interest (e.g., coin collecting) is common in males with AS, and this may be something they have pursued for years.
For example, instead of admitting they are overwhelmed by noise, tired of being around people, or simply want to go and work on a favored interest, they may lie and say they feel sick or they have an appointment they need to get to. Many males with AS do marry, but unless both partners are willing to work on problem areas, the relationship may not last. Many males with AS fit into the stereotype of “geek.” 15. They can focus on a subject that interests them and talk endlessly about it, but they may not fully understand the give-and-take of a shared conversation. Most males with AS can find employment and are generally reliable workers.
However, even if they have the same qualifications as “typical” males, they may not find a job as easily due to a deficit in social skills. Sensory difficulties may mean that the AS man does not like seams in clothing or labels in shirts.
But unfortunately, it is too often the case that the “neurotypical” (i.e., non-Asperger’s) wife/partner views these traits as “defects that could be corrected if the man would just try harder,” resulting in the wife/partner feeling depreciated, unloved and resentful (which is truly the downside of AS for men). As a woman with AS who has been happily married for almost 30 years to a man with AS, the mother of a daughter and four sons who are all on the spectrum, the grandmother of little Spectrumites and as a fully human being with a complete range of emotions I would like to say that it is the mis-match between different neurologies that causes most of the problems.
Oh, and I'm the daughter and grand-daughter of Spectrumites too.
A lot of men with Asperger’s (AS) – also called “high functioning autism” – have never been diagnosed and are regarded as being eccentric, a little odd or loners.
If I had parents or other family members or friends I could rely on for love and emotional support in my life, perhaps I could stand this marriage. We have been to 3 different marriage counselors, I have been to counseling alone, and I have read dozens of books (he has read none as the only problem he sees is my dissatisfaction with him!
I have dropped my non-AS 'friends' over the years as I was unable to meet their expectations that I should change to be more like them.
They never tried to understand me, yet expected ME to understand THEM!
Notice I said “traits” – not “character flaws.” We’re talking about symptoms that come with having the disorder.
And the affected person often has little - or no - control over most of these symptoms.