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And this is important: Before she can respond to your ask, WORKING, invite her to say "no" if the answer is no or "straight" if the identity is straight. I'm a lesbian, and my partner recently reconnected with a childhood friend.

At first I felt sorry for him, as he was having a health crisis.

I never want to put out the wrong signals to coworkers, and I err on the side of keeping a safe but friendly distance. Her texts aren't overtly flirty, but they are intimate and feel more than friendly. Questions from lesbians have been pouring in ever since—lesbians apparently don't like being told who they may or may not ask for advice.

We've worked together for a year and gotten very close. We stare at each other across the office, we text until late at night, and we go for weekend dog walks. Workplace Obsession Roiling Knowing-If-Nervous Gal Five weeks ago, a letter writer jumped down my throat for giving advice to lesbians despite not being a lesbian myself.

The odd thing is that she vacillates between heavily making out with me every time we are alone together and saying, "No, I can't, I'm straight!

" Why does she do everything but sex if she's straight?

Can't Think Of A Clever Acronym Burn it down, CTOACA.

Call or e-mail your partner's old friend and tell him you think he's a pushy, unpleasant, smelly asshole and that you don't want to hang out with him—not at his place, not on a trip, and not at your wedding, which he not only won't be officiating but, if you had your druthers, he wouldn't be attending. You can't tell your soon-to-be wife who she can't have as a friend—that's controlling behavior—but she can't force you to spend time with someone you loathe.

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As for your rookie status, there are two examples of lesbians pining over rookies in this very column!

Feeling Really Unsure Since This Remarkably Amazing Temptress Entered Domain That nice straight lady from work is making out with you because she likes it (the thirst is real), FRUSTRATED, or she's making out with you because she wants you in her life and believes—perhaps mistakenly—that this is the only way to hold your interest/fuel your obsession (the thirst is faked).

If she likes it, then she's a lesbian or bisexual but so invested in her heterosexual identity that she can't "go there." (Alabama, you said?

But he's better now, and his pushy behavior really gets to me.

He texts her at all hours—and when he can't get in touch with her, he bugs me.

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