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But unfortunately, it is too often the case that the “neurotypical” (i.e., non-Asperger’s) wife/partner views these traits as “defects that could be corrected if the man would just try harder,” resulting in the wife/partner feeling depreciated, unloved and resentful (which is truly the downside of AS for men). As a woman with AS who has been happily married for almost 30 years to a man with AS, the mother of a daughter and four sons who are all on the spectrum, the grandmother of little Spectrumites and as a fully human being with a complete range of emotions I would like to say that it is the mis-match between different neurologies that causes most of the problems.Oh, and I'm the daughter and grand-daughter of Spectrumites too.Notice I said “traits” – not “character flaws.” We’re talking about symptoms that come with having the disorder.And the affected person often has little - or no - control over most of these symptoms.I have dropped my non-AS 'friends' over the years as I was unable to meet their expectations that I should change to be more like them.They never tried to understand me, yet expected ME to understand THEM!Men with AS often have some of the following traits, but they will vary in both number and level of severity from person to person: 1.
This stems from their problems with social skills and communication. An AS man may have a pet (often a dog) that he becomes quite attached to.Yet I am the one that has to handle everything and there is never someone there to help me. For a long time I pushed aside my friends when it came to social outings since my husband always seemed so awkward at these events. I see that I am responsible for my own anger and resentment and criticism, and the response it has provoked in him. But I also see that he will never be someone who will hug me spontaneously, kiss my cheek when I am crying, grab my hand when we are walking, look me in the eyes and truly understand emotionally what I am going through. He doesn't like to make eye contact, unless it's an overly direct, almost aggressive stare, and pulls away quickly after a stiff hug.I have started going to things by myself which may sound rude but at least I feel alive!!!! Not sure I can live with that in a husband, although I can love him as the wonderful father of my child that he is. He is very intelligent in some ways, especially about mechanical and electrical things and political topics, and oddly off base about very basic aspects of pleasant human interaction.In marriage, these qualities may become a point of contention if his spouse/partner becomes frustrated by his lack of communication.Additional traits in some AS men include the following: In no way is the above information provided to discourage relationships with AS men. These men often do the best they can in relationships.